Why I am done. A comment on the evil bitch.

Angry. Very, very angry. Why you ask?

Hum. Let me start from the beginning. Please bear with me.

So ya’s know about Roxy. The fact that she’s very addictive, (God I hate this bloody keyboard!), she makes you feel special and needed. In some ways the perfect “friend”.

Unfortunately, when we became friends she was just married. Now she had been going out with her Husband for about six or seven years before they were married. She only did it because they were on vacation she says to me at the time. “It might not even be legal cos we were married at sea”. How romantic.

This went on for a couple of months. She told me that the husband had absolutely no interest in sex, so basically I was just doing a service. Unfortunately at some point the addiction kicked in.

Now please understand that I am not proud of myself. This was the first and definitely the last time, that I will be the “other” man.

Anyway over a period of time she started spending more time with me than with the Husband, we’ll call him Skinny. In fact she actually lived in my house for two years and to this day he has no idea, he believes that we were roommates. Which we were, but in a different context.

During all this time she is telling me that she’s going to get a divorce, as with all the classic stories though there is always a plausible reason for not doing it right now.

In due course at the peak of my madness I actually proposed. She was still married of course, she did have the papers though so I though that this would tip the scales. I was to be sadly mistaken about that as well as many other things.

So Skinny and I became sort of friends, yes I know that sounds fucked up and it is. Oh believe me it is, but what can I do? I started giving him advice about “his” situation. Now your probably thinking that I was trying to swing it in my favour. I admit that at the beginning the thought had crossed my mind, but as I listened to him I was horrified. This guy was being used and abused all over the place. She would tell me that he was calling her all the time and making a nuisance of himself. Stalking her and what not. After talking to him though I hear that she had been calling him, arranging to see him under strange context’s. Simply so that she could cause him pain and misery.

Like the time when he got free tickets to the Bahamas from work. The first I heard of it was when she walked in one night and said, “Oh yeah. Do you still have that suitcase?”

“Eh? Of course. It’s in the basement. What do you need that for?”
”Oh didn’t I tell ya? Skinny asked me to go the Bahamas with him. I’m sure I told you, that was weeks ago. “ A pause, I now realise that she was watching for my reaction. When she saw that it was going to be adverse.. Lets just say that she fucked my brains in. There is no other way to put it.

On and on like this though. Eventually I started to become completely paranoid. She had started spending more and more time with Scaly, whom we had met at the bar. He was a nasty piece of work but he had his humorous moments. Some months before I forced her to get a job. She had been sitting around the house festering, the problem was that she was quite happy to just veg all day and all night. No thought of stretching herself in any way. All I could see was all that potential, all going to waste. All she did all day was read the web. I am not joking she would sit there for hours at a time reading random pages. *sigh*

So like I said I forced her out of the house. To this day Skinny thinks she did it off her own bat. Where did she decide to work? Oh only one of the local titty bars. Bartending, you can see where this is going already can’t ya. I know I can now.

So months go by and she spending more and more time with Scaly. “Oh were doing trails”, she would say when I ask where the hell she’s going now. (Trails would be dart trails, you go and then you can compete for the regional team.)

“Fair enough, good luck. Your not driving are ya? You always drink when ya at them things.”, says the sap.

“No, Scaly’s coming to get me.”

“Ah, ok then.”

Then the start of it. She get’s onto the local team, competing against the rest of the state in Columbus.

“Yeah, I’m going down for the weekend. Me and Hips from the dart team”, she tells me in a rush

“ Nice, have a good time”

Upon returning, they came in second. She tells me that she got absolutely plastered, and Hips hooked up with some random guy.

“What did you do then? If they were in your room?”

“Oh. It’s OK. Scaly came down out of the blue to be support us, you know what a bunch of bitches the rest of them on the team are. He didn’t want me to have to put up with it myself.”

Oh, how freaking blind can you be?! Do you see any parallels yet?

After many more months I had enough and chucked her out. I can’t even describe the feeling of liberation! It was like being let out of prison after three years hard labor. (Not that I would know anything about that.)

Soon after she moved out, the calls started. “Oh I can’t live by myself” “I’m lonely”

Of course when I look back, the calls would start out with “How are you doing, I miss you.” Then two sentences in it would all swap round and it would be her dumping all her nasty crap on me and looking for advice that she would ignore.

I can’t deny that I still felt for her. Bloody hell it’s been twenty months since I threw her out of the house. In that time I’ve got my Green Card, bought a house and made new friends. The one thing that I haven’t been able to do is exorcise the ghost of relationship past. By the same token I haven’t had a relationship with anybody but palm and her five sisters in that time.

Then just today. Out of the blue, Skinny calls me.

An hour later and I realise that I’m giving the poor lonely bastard the same advise that I’ve been giving myself for the past year and a half. Then the realization that she has been playing the pair of us for years. Not a couple of months. YEARS! When she was frustrated with me, she would dump on him. When she was frustrated with him she would dump on me.

Now of course she can call either of us when Scaly pisses her off. If she can’t get her favorite whipping boy, she calls me.

The final straw by the way. The thing that convinced me that it wasn’t a load of bollocks. When he told me that “yeah, she told me that she wants to have my kids”, amongst other tidbits that has been told to me in tearful conversations. Usually when I was getting to close to the true of the matter now that I think on it.

Do you know what the worst bit of this is? Apart from the realization that I probably deserve some of this pain and misery – at least according to my more right wing friends – is that I’ve put my life on hold for a wishful dream. It’s shit like this that makes players out of the best of us. Like a whipped dog we think everyone is going to treat us like crap, so I better do it to them first.

DAMN YOU I AM DONE!

*sigh* I doubt that I will ever be able to publish this. If Skinny found out about it, I would probably be kneecapped or simply disappear. He has some very shady friends.

Mumsie. I love you. You’re my mother away from home. I hope that you will forgive me posting this. I had no choice.