The cat

I came home the other day, a bit out of sorts.  I'd been having regularity problems, and all the way home there had been some, err, pressure.

When I got in I was immediately confronted by Teacher.  She had that look on her face that women have.  In my experience it's the face that they've done "something".  There dying to tell you what it is, but at the same time there worried what your reaction is going to be.  If you've been in a relationship for any length of time, you surely know that you don't want to deal with a situation like this while your touching cloth.

I tried to ignore her and rushed into the bathroom.

"So how was your day?", I hear from outside the door.

Now I really start to get worried about what she's hiding.  The house is still standing.  There's no smell of smoke.  Her car looks like it's in one piece. What has she done?

"It was ok", I say straining.  "Do you need to get in here or something?"

"I bought you something today", she says

Oh here we go, "What is it?"

"Err, lots of loving"

"Oh that again, thanks."

"Could you hurry up?"

I sigh, it's been days.  What's a boy to do?  I finish up and she's right outside the door.  The look is even more pronounced now.

Oh crap

I start to go upstairs, only to find that she's right behind me, literally one step below me.

When we get upstairs it's dark already and she rushes ahead of me to turn the light on.  This in itself is unusual.  Then as she shushes me.  As you can imagine I'm rather puzzled now, that is until she points to the bed.

Now I didn't make the bed that morning so I didn't see the small lump of fur that was burrowed into the covers.

"What's that?!", I asked incredulously

She's now grinning like a mad women

"Oh, that's the cat."

My mouth dropped open, at this point

"I went over to my friends house and she was getting rid of it so I said that we'd take it in"

"What the hell are we going to do when we go to Britain", I said.  Desperate not to bond with the bloody thing.  "Hang on you don't like cats!  You hate them!"

"Yeah, but they were going to have it put down.  What could I do?"

I started getting changed, I had my back turned, mainly so I didn't have to look at it.

"I can take it back if you want.  Or I could just though it out"

My head whipped round at that. There was a strange note to her voice, as I turned she reached down and to my horror, through the cat down the room.

I realised almost instantly that there was something wrong with the "cat".  It was still curled up.  It was flying through the air like a frizzby.  Very un-cat like in fact.

The only conclusion that I could come to in those few seconds before her laughter sank in was that she had brought home a stuffed cat.  I was appalled. 

In the twenty seconds that had passed she was on the floor with laughter, literally rolling around screaming with laughter.  I went looking for the "cat".

Turns out that it was a piece of plastic shaped like a huge plastic dog turd.  The covered in fur.

"So what did you think?", she asked me, when she could talk again

"The first thing that went through my head was, "but I wanted a dog!""