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5 minute management course ....

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that
towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked
in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes
me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide
up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak..'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way..

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129..
It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and
do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the
turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough str ength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top
of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Sh!t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your
friend.

(3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
And send this to five bright people who have enough sense of humor to
take it!

A day from hell or an opportunity to let the nonsense slide off me

It's been one of those days. I'm all square in my own mind, but
everything externally seems to be going to crap.

I'm going to try and not let it get to me as much, I just wish there was
something to look forward too. It's funny, since giving up EVE (which I
still miss terribly now and then) I don't feel like I have anything to
do when I get home.

I end up throwing a game on, and watching a torrent'ed TV show.
Basically bored out of my mind.

I need a hobby, oh hang on. I'm going to have another kid in a couple
or five months! That should remove this feeling of boredom quite nicely
and replace it with a feeling of "joy and happiness". As well as
wondering if I will ever have "spare" time again.

The bottom line is that I have to force myself to DO something,
anything. Otherwise I'll turn into a couch.

Starting not quite from scratch, but..

So.  It's a new year and with the new kid coming in June, it seems like a good idea to start the blog again.  I find that I don't pass on what's been going on, and I forget myself, so I'm going to try again.

 

Up the duff and drama is swirling around, Teacher - who isn't one anymore so I'll call her the Wife from now on - the Wife is about three months gone.  She's thankfully over most of the queasiness now but "we" have the mood swings to take care of instead.

 

We just got back from Ohio.  That was nice, although we didn't have time to see anybody.  It seems like it was a mad rush from one eleven hour drive there to the one coming back the other way.

 

Watched heaps of movies though, but somewhere along the line I fell out with video games.  For some reason I'm not enjoying any of them!  It's bloody winter and there's nothing else to do - even drinking doesn't hold the appeal it used to!  What's a boy to do?

 

Perhaps it's books on tape that have messed me up.  I've taken to listening to books on the Blackberry using the earpiece while driving to and from work.  Hands free and I'm listening to something I want to listen too, not just the commercials on the radio.  It seems I'm too chincy to by a decent radio for the car that has an MP3 player or even a whole for one that would pipe through the speakers.

 

What ever's causing this is rather annoying.  What the hell am I supposed to do with the rest of the evening if not play video games while I watch the webcast of my TV programs on the other screen?!

 

Ahh the dilemma of a techie.

Not so shiny today

After going on and on yesterday about being bright eyed and bushy tailed.. Yeah today I feel like ass as Surly would say. I wonder how he's doing?

Ah but I'm off on Friday! Ha! So it's probably the 9 hour days that doing me in. Or the lack of my morning cup of coffee.

So I'm going to have my coffee and breakfast granola bar and listen to Pandora for a bit and see if I'm inspired to work :)

Oh, I find myself in the Dog house, not only did I leave a load of washing at the laundry lastnight. I thought I'd done an awesome job of folding, it all fit in the two baskets without overflowing like it usually does. Nope simply left a dryer full of her clothes. She wasn't happy lastnight. Then this morning I go round there and pick it up, they open at seven. All the washing was there, yeah! I called her and let her know, a great relief.

Half way to work the phone goes off again. I forgot to put out the garbage. Again. Ahh what's a boy to do?! *sigh*

Hotter than shit

I'd forgotten how bad it can get, or should I say, I'd forgotten why I vowed that I wouldn't live without central air ever again.

A week of 90 degree days, and window fans make a great reminder. Unfortunately the fact that all of that lovely water is just over the road makes the humidity climb something awful. Ah well, soon enough it'll be 20 below again :)

Discovered something strange about myself over the past couple of weeks. Apart from the fact that I mosquito bites swell up to the size of hens eggs, that is. It seems that if I get up a six in the morning and get to work about 7:30, my outlook on the day is much improved.

I'm not sure yet if it's down to the commute going from 45 minutes to twenty or if it's just that I'm not getting too much sleep or what, but I'm ready and (more important) willing to do all those shitty boring jobs that I would usually put off.

All in all a nice way to go.

So missed the kids this weekend. No one was home, so I missed the call home. I would have called my Dad, cos we all know how much She enjoys the conversation :) But he's on his worldly travels again. Which should in fact bring him over here next week.

Money's worrying me, not so much this week or next month even, more retirement. I smile to myself as I remember the look on Teachers face and change in the kids "tone" on MSN when I go off. I can't help it!

Why didn't anyone tell me when I was there age that a dollar in a retirement fund when your 20 will be worth over a thousand when your 60, but a dollar you put away when your 40 will only be worth 200!

(Do you like the way I keep mixing up text numbers with actual numbers? It's driving me nuts, don't know about you!)

Also knocking around the idea of finding a job in Britain, but putting my Green Card to use and trying to get posted to the US. In the best case that would mean that I would get paid in "quids" and still be able to live here. That may also help the house situation.

I was going to mention it, but nahh. Here's a link that'll tell the whole story instead:

http://www.realtyone.com/l.jackson/MyListingsDetails.asp?mls=2470720&prop=10393980

I have to go now, I'm suddenly not feeling well...

Hectic week! Holy crap!

I shouldn't complain that I'm finally getting some action at work. Not that I haven't always got something to do, it's trying to get stuff that's interesting that's the challenge these days.

Seems like I've done everything most of the time. Ya know what I mean? It seems that adage "You deserve what you tollerate" is true. :)

Missin' the family, especially the kids. Seems like it's been years since I last saw em. It was last March, but.. Yeah, but. When one of em is nearly eighteen and the youngest is having pre-sixteen angst, I feel like I should be there for them. As well as the ex-wife and her husband of course, those to are doing a great job, don't think that I would have been able to handle it as well..

On a differant note. I've been feeling guilty recently for reading novels. Perhaps it's cos I've had a string of crappy ones. I don't even remember the last one that I could put down. They all seem to be bland and similar.

Anyway, I've been feeling guilty that I'm not learning anything. I feel like I have to be streching myself all the time. Accounting, or at least the correct methods of budgeting, etc. I think is the next thing I have to bone up on.

I'm sick of not having any available money! Having a house still up for sale (going on seven months now) isn't helping of course, but there should still be some somewhere! *sigh*

Basically very happy though. So don't worry about me too much :)