So it was your FREIND that shat himself..

“So Fomudder!  I hear that you shit your pants!”, I heard the bartender say as I stared glassily into my pint of Vodka and Redbull.

Oh shit, I thought.  Then remembered to close my mouth which had fallen open in surprise, then horror.   Fomudder for his part was simply looking stunned.  Not surprising since he hadn’t seen this particular bartender since mid-week.  Meanwhile Teacher is squeaking as she desperately tries not to laugh outright.

Minutes go by and nobody has said anything else.  M, the bartender is still staring knowingly at Fomudder, Fomudder is smirking and drinking his beer.  Teacher has started poking me and half whispering stuff like “You have to come clean!” and “It’s not fair!”

Finally, I couldn’t take it any longer.  
“look it was me”, I blurted.

They slowly turn to stare at me.

“It’s like this..”

It was at this point that I realised why they do that wavy line thing for flashbacks, it felt just like that.

----

Hours earlier Teacher and I had been sitting at the end of the bar, with Fom.  He’d been in for a about a beer.  With nothing else to do he wandered off.

Just as he walked out, I dropped what I thought was a descreate botty burp.  Well lets just say that it wasn’t loud.. It was however probably one of the smelliest nastiest farts that it has every been pleasure to create.

This thing was so bad that soon after release I started coughing.  Teacher looked over at me wondering what I was doin’ when her eyes bugged out of her head and she started to gag.  She then started glaring at me.  I think she would have been telling me off it her vocal cords hadn’t locked up due to the pungent  gases floating in the area.  What made it worse was that the longer it was in the environment, the stronger it got.  It didn’t seem possible.  

This is the point when innocent bystanders started to “get involved”.

R, the early bartender came over to see if we needed anything.  I can only imagine what he was thinking as he walked down the bar to us.  We both must have been looking a bit strange what with the choking and the tears running freely down our faces.  
It’s funny.  I knew exactly when the cloud got him.  He was smiling at us walking down, “Can I ge…”, suddenly his eyes went huge and he couldn’t appear to speak anymore.  Unfortunately it was at this point that I started snickering.

R starts glaring at me as if it’s my fault!  

“Hay!  It wasn’t me!  It was Fomudder that smelly fucker!  He shit his pants!”  I exclaimed.

Teacher who was just starting to get over the sickening effects of the cloud, choked again, then started alternatively laughing and glaring at me.

“It’s fucking reakin’ init!”, I yelled at Y’s retreating back.  He had an arm over his face and waving a wash cloth.  It didn’t appear to be working.

“Why did you blame it on Fom?”, Teacher asked sotto voiced.

“What the hell did ya want me to do?  If I told him it was me he wouldn’t have come back down here.  No matter how much I tipped him!”
“yeah I suppose your right, you freaking reek!  Go outside next time!”

“Sorry, it must have been the cheese.  It’s ok.  Well be long gone before Fom comes back.”

Ugh-huh.